Fear Can Hold Us Back
We all know fear can hold us back in practically any area of our life, including public speaking, a critical exam/certification, a meeting with an important client or a supervisor, our spiritual life, and on and on.
But what can we do about it?!
Although our focus is the spiritual side of life, stress and fear show up from time to time when least expected.
The types of stressful situations are numerous and varied. Here are some general approaches I have used in the past.
Our Minds Exaggerate the Problem
First, it is good to remember that our minds can have a way of making whatever the upcoming situation is more stressful and fearful than it could possibly ever be. Hollywood could create an epic thriller with the scenes that our minds sometimes create.
Fears Do Not Reflect Us
Our low self and subconscious programming can use earlier life unresolved issues — that have little or nothing to do with who we really are – to manufacture unsightly scenes of the situation or event.
Here’s What You Can Do…
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s a few things that may help to reduce the pressure and fear.
- First, it is incredibly helpful for us to acknowledge to our self that we feel stressed and anxious about the upcoming event. That admission alone along with allowing our self to experience our actual feelings about the situation helps deflate our inner emotional pressure and lets us accept that it will be okay and we will do fine — perhaps even well!
- Next, time and time again, I’m reminded of that Woody Allen quote, “80 percent of success is just showing up,” and it is true!
As I reflect back to previous stressful situations, no matter what my actual performance, I was perceived in a much higher standing by just being as prepared as possible (not perfect), bright, upbeat and remaining focused upon the topic at hand, i.e., showing up fully present.
Those attributes gain us untold points with others no matter how we actually performed because audiences, bosses and clients alike respond positively if they know we care and want to help them solve their problem!
- If doing a large audience or public speaking of any size, along with steps 1 and 2 above, we are well on our way to success.
Oh yes, of course I am nervous! When speaking in public, I pick two or three people from the audience from left, center and right and see only them and speak only to them, shifting my focus appropriately from one to the other throughout my presentation (avoid letting my head motion be a repetitive typewriter). It’s much easier to speak to persons, even if there are many of them, than it is to speak to a group. If on camera, the camera is the person we are talking to. In fact, my mind fictionally creates a person out of the camera.
- Avoid negative people and their advice. These types of people just have a way of turning blue skies to gray. It’s like asking Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh for happy news. Over time, it became obvious that even talking to them wasn’t helpful.
- Use humor, whenever possible. We are not there to be a comedian, but a little light hearted humor over a misspoken word or simple mistake lets others know we are human but also have a good enough self-esteem and sufficient competence that we can recover and flow with the situation to a successful conclusion. As with most things, it’s not the mistake or the error, it’s how we move beyond it toward the desired outcome that really counts.
- Observe things from the outside. Beforehand, imagine that it is someone else there at the meeting or event. This reduces our self-imposed pressure and allows us to have some perspective about the situation — to give ourself permission to be our natural, competent self.
- Stay grounded. During the meeting or event, remain grounded in the now, the topic at hand and what we are doing. Keep the focus on person or persons before us.
- Use silence. Pauses are always shorter than we think they are and gives us time to transition to the next point or topic to be addressed in a smoother, more professional manner. As an example, my focused eyebrows along with a short period of thoughtful silence consistently conveys a sense of seriousness to a client or audience and only increases the credibility of my reply. They had no idea that I needed those few seconds to come up with a short, but acceptable answer.
- Keep perspective. We are not the embodiment of the upcoming event. It’s just a meeting or event; it’s a thing. When Bill Clinton was asked how he kept performing his duties as President during his impeachment, he said that he put his problems in a small (imaginary) box. That helped him keep perspective and allowed him to do his important daily duties.
- Ask for assistance. Unlike negative people, positive, competent and successful people can give some of the best advice! They add energy and vitality to our self-esteem and dissolve away the clouds of doubt. Winners hang around with winners!
- Just do it! Like Nike (from the Greek — victory, conquest), sometimes we have to just do it! We go out there as prepared or not prepared as we would like and do our best with enthusiasm, positivity and caring! Whatever our shortcomings during the event or meeting, they will be outshined by our attitude and willingness to do what others would not do or chose to avoid merely because they had a little anxiety.
- Lastly, Carpe Diem (seize the day)! Sometimes the ideal moment is there only once. Better to do our best and possibly succeed than to avoid an opportunity and wish we would have!
We hope this helps you on your life’s journey. May you have blessings and light in all you do!
